Testing

The ship has sailed
And I feel I failed
But the truth is
You failed me

You never gave me a chance
Always hesitating.
Scared to take the next step.
I got tired of waiting
With hope going nowhere

Always Testing Me
Am I everything you wanted?
Is this truly what's meant to be?
But can't you see
How much more proof do you need?
My love was paid in full
A marriage license annulled.

Somehow you thought I was lying
When all I was trying to do
Is prove that my love was true
I thought I knew you
But I guess I was wrong
Realization translated into this song

You thought I was messing with your homies
Your boys, like brothers, learned to know me
They even told you no
But you were stubborn
And would not let go
of morbid thoughts...destruction of our union
That you took the time to ruin
Why did you waste our time
I hoped one day you would say,
Will you be mine?
Who are you?

By the time I received notice
I had already wrote this
My light already blew out
I felt no joy anymore
To be the one you adore
Figment of my imagination
(In daydreams I feel elation)
Now I must walk away
It hurts too much to stay
I must go my own way

Someone else will be sure
That my lonely heart is pure
And no one else will have it
I will no longer think of you
After we said our goodbyes
And are through.
Because you didn't fully trust me anyway.








He Teaches Me

Miss-Used Love

TELL ME
WHAT IS IT ABOUT ME
THAT IS UNLOVABLE
THAT DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE LOVED
TELL ME
WHAT IT IS
IS IT BECAUSE I DON'T PLAY GAMES
WITH YOUR CEREBRAL VORTEX
IS IT BECAUSE I CHOOSE NOT TO PLAY A BAD ASS
I DON'T MAKE YOU RUN FOR YOUR MONEY
BORING
IS BOREDOM WHAT I GIVE YOU?
TOO NICE
TOO SHY
TOO COMPLEMENTARY
TELL ME WHY I DON'T DESERVE YOUR LOVE
IT'S ONLY BECAUSE MY HEART IS FULL
ISN'T LOVE WHAT WE ALL NEED?
ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR?
MY INSECURITIES. MY CONFIDENCE. MY CERTAINTY.
UNCERTAIN OF WHY I'M WASTING MY TIME
TIME ON YOU
DESTROYING MY SENSE OF SELF
MAKING ME FEEL
HOPELESS
UNDESIRABLE
PATHETIC
"PATHETIC"
LETTING EMOTIONS GET THE BEST OF ME
WRAPPED UP IN YOUR EVERYTHING
THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL
DO I MAKE YOU FEEL THE SAME?
IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE I DO
WANTING WHAT DOESN'T WANT ME BACK
CHASING A SHADOW
CHASING A FIGMENT OF MY HOPES
LOVE ME
LOVE ME BACK.
DO YOU REALIZE
I HAVE SO MUCH TO GIVE
PLENTY
ENOUGH TO GIVE
IS IT TOO MUCH?
MAYBE...
IT'S TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR.
MY LOVE IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH
MY LOVE IS NOT WORTHY OF YOUR SELFISHNESS
MY PAINS START AND END WITH TEARS
IMAGINING MY END WITH NO REMORSE
IMAGINING MY END WITH GUILT AND REGRET
TOO LATE THEN
TOO LATE IT WILL BE
YOU MUST LEARN FROM WHAT YOU SEE
THEN TURN IT INTO REALITY.
 IT'S SWEETER IT'S BETTER
COULD NEVER BE EVER
MORE THAN WHAT I DREAM OF

Pen'D Poem: March 17 - 24

Bobbie Escobar
She knew what to do without me ever speaking a word.
Showed up to the house late, with a heavy heart and lowered head.
Too late for talking, so i lay there, right beside her.....
Tears fell....
Sobs escaped......
words drifted.....

then,

she held me close.
Her perfume wafted through my hard exterior into the softer parts of my memory.
Her embrace was heaven, and as she held me tight to her, all pain escaped.

I was free from misery,
from deceit, from hurt and lies, from debauchery and treacherous leeches....
I was home.....


 but only for a few hours....
until i was back into the cold.....


 Moving away from the only thing real to me.....


 Randumt

The ugly


The ugly

Once there was a time
before love shackled my
mind, before love shielded
my vision to a better life
I was blind

The beauty that
stained my face
in a dream state you
couldn't find but that
was long ago when " choice "
was actually mine

Love created a glue
which tamed my feet
I couldn't climb.... Even
when his care changed the
color of my eyes, his definition
Of beauty my new pretty
ugly defined and still I wouldn't
move due to the stick in loves
bind

I've tried....

Well in mind, mentally
planned a great divide
but due to his bruising replies
that bright idea quickly reclined,

Things I have in
mind are never released
into verbal cries because
the last issue I owned almost
brought me my final goodbye

My life nearly
declined disrespect
registered by his eye, The
decision to use my mind was
considered the ultimate crime

But I love em....
So when he's ready
I guess I'll say goodbye,
until then the " pretty "
pain on my face ill manage
to hide

The ugly

©2013 viewtifulink

Pen'D Poem: Feb 24 - March 6

Darius Farrar



"Drowning Tears"
Why does it seem like
The more I open my heart
The bigger weapon you try to find
Forgetting that this heart of mines
Is just as fragile as yours
But you still try to chip away
At this ole heart of mines
I've sexed you as your
Heart pledged me too
I've loved you as your
Soul cherished me too
But as soon as I build up too
Make my appearance in this relationship
My very last appearance of your life
You always show signs of improvement
Telling my heart the things it wants
And showing my soul the things it needs
Why won't you allow this heart of mines
To finally stop drowning it self
In its own tears
I'm starting to get to the point where
I forget the swimming instructions
And standing to see if the water
Is neck high or not isn't even an option
Not because I'm too far in but
Because I've stayed so long my memory
Doesn't remember how far I've come and gone
I want to be a free agent and
See who really wants a bid at helping
God rebuild this broken heart so
That the healing process can begin
But before that happens I need to be
Release from this depressing abusive team
And saved from drowning in my tears

 Poetic Vessel

Pen'D Poem: March 10 - 17

Vulnerability

I am afraid
All tears drip sore
I’m tired of being the man I am when people just still don’t seem to understand
It hurts to breathe inside knowing you’ve been ignored
Prayers silenced, Dreams cut short
Life is the vessel and the mission is living
Spirit low on fuel and my mind screaming abort

Just living to be…
Lightly treading emotional minds
Losing sight of my own feelings
While recognizing that others don’t see mine
Some love for love and that’s the reason for their pursuit
Not realizing that everyone loves differently.
Too impatient to wait it out and see what time brings you.
Damn shame,…
Many possibilities, many names
Afraid of river of time repeating itself with Shai
And it’s the hurt I carried before the stars ever came.
When I walked in on a cheating wife
Kids sheltered by the door,… muffling their mother’s moans
And I got to keep my cool because the laws says that’s what right
Gave up my home, Found sanctuary in being alone
Suffering the greed of a Amateur Queen
Making it harder to be a father and it’s what the Courts condone
If I lacked the strength to take responsibility
Displaying the absence of man within me
I would be indicted by my own mind
And the sentence would be befitting,
But since the day of the first birth,
I have stood firm in the dirt
Now fighting bitter smiles and uneven scales
Trying to prove to a Judge that’s blinded by a skirt
Watched a gavel fall
Stripping me of time with my earths
Made it difficult to move on
But I still knew my worth.
Took a few swings in the dark
Even had a connection with one
But she was quick to explore something different
I tried things slow, while she made her mark
Hesitant with every other
And who could blame this brother
Fire burns different than stars
So I observe the quick lovers.
And I am writing this
Because I fight with this
I don’t care about who reads or comment
Smile, frown or click button to like this shit
Opinions don’t move me
And it definitely doesn’t move my fright
I know that love don’t love me,..
Damn your opinions,…this is my life
Pouring my own sorrows
While sipping my own tears
Found comfort with few real friends
But everybody leaves and that’s been my fear.
So when ear hustling about the bad men
And all the evil men do
Think of the masses of men that do the right things
Only in their vulnerability can you ever see pass what you thought you knew….
(Sighs Oh Sorrow)….StarChasr


Copyright © 2013 Shai Carter (StarChasr)